The many ways in which a pandemic can affect LGBTQ+ people
The past six months felt like an absurd fever dream of which we cannot seem to be able to see the end: our lives changed drastically because of the menacing issue that is COVID-19, from our lifestyle to our routine, change was unavoidable, sudden and, for many, this brought many additional adversities to face.
As LGBTQ+ people we learn from a tender age that blood bonds are not always synonymous with family and acceptance and the topic of “chosen family” quickly becomes a shared concept among young queer people. Colleges, universities, workplaces usually become means through which one can constitute relationships and links with those who share similar beliefs and views in regards to sexuality and gender expression, creating an environment of acceptance and inclusivity.
These bonds allow LGBTQ+ people, especially the younger generations, to explore and better understand their feelings and sensations, granting them the ability to live a more comfortable lifestyle. But with a pandemic ravaging the globe, many of us were forced to flee these safe spaces to go back to our hometowns; places that for many are bearers of insecurity and bring back painful memories from dark times.
This sudden change in lifestyle, which could be underestimated by many, has a much harsher impact on the psyche of LGBTQ+ people that are often forced to hide their identity as a result of this situation.
I still remember the first week I spent back home in February when the epidemic was not as widespread as it was bound to be a few months later: I locked the door of my apartment and made my way to the train station; what was waiting for me was about a couple of hours of travel before I reached my hometown and, as I sat on the weirdly uncomfortable train seats, my mind wandered to how much my life had changed in just two years of living away from home.
Do not get me wrong, I love my family, and I am incredibly lucky to have them, but since enrolling in university I bloomed into a new person I had to get to know before being able to truly love; and I would not have been able to do so if I stayed home, I needed space to grow, to learn how to be me.
Walking home that day I decided to take a longer route to see how much the city I knew so well had changed in just a few years and, as I walked past my old high school, many memories drifted into my mind like shipwrecked castaways.
I recalled the light that shined in my eyes when I first walked through those wooden doors, the line that formed in front of vending machines during breaks, the muttering of kids in between classes, the notes sneakily passed under desks.
But I also recalled watching the boy I liked laugh at my submission for the art exhibition, I recalled my male classmates not wanting to change in front of me during P.E because they were disgusted by me, I recalled my math teacher huffing with hatred as I walked to the bathroom and I even recalled the religious-education teacher trying to convince us that same-sex marriage was an offense to society.
The person I was six months ago would have sworn these memories were part of his past, baggage he brought with him to showcase how much he had grown, but in reality, these scars were not completely healed yet and they still bleed every time I lock eyes with people who used to be part of my life, they still bleed every time I feel the gaze of a stranger on me as I cross the street, they still bleed every time I have to choose whether I should put makeup on or not to avoid being stared at.
The toll this pandemic took on our everyday lives as LGBTQ+ people is more serious than one could think and the psychological pressure of feeling the need to repress a significant part of our identities to avoid being harassed, shamed or worse is an issue that should not be underestimated but at the same time we cannot allow society to bend our spirits and shut our mouths.
So be you, take care, stay safe, and show yourself some love. ❤
*These amazing pics were found on Anna Shvets’ Pexels account, her photos are gorgeous and if anyone is interested I’ll leave the link down below*
